A couple of weeks ago, my husband, Jeff, was given a heads up that someone he had been around was being tested for Covid. No other pertinent information was disclosed – just that he had been in “close contact” with someone who could possibly have the disease.

When Jeff  shared this information with me, I did what any reasonable person (trying to survive a pandemic) would do, I freaked out.

“What do you mean you were in close contact? How close? Closer than six feet? For how long? Five minutes? Fifteen minutes? Were you wearing a mask? Was he wearing a mask? Did you touch this person? Did this person touch you? When will he get his test results?”

In my brain, I knew better. Just stop. He told you what he knows. But in reality, I couldn’t. I had lost all control – of myself and the situation. There was nothing I could do about this other person who may or may not have the coronavirus. And, there was nothing I could do now to prevent Jeff from contracting it. With that said, yes, in hindsight, I know I could have responded with much more empathy and in a much more measured and rational way. Truth be told, I was scared. That’s a lie. I was terrified. What if Jeff’s friend tested positive? What if Jeff tested positive? Would Jeff, the guy who typically has a really difficult bout with bronchitis every winter, have severe symptoms or a mild case? I had no answers. So much uncertainty = so much fear = so many questions = so much stress = Mary Jane spiraling out of control.

“What exactly were you told? Does this person have symptoms? When was the test? Can we go back to the close contact? How close? How long? Were you yelling across a room or having a conversation at your desk?”

I heard myself asking the same questions over and over. I felt like I had to understand every single detail even though these details really meant nothing.

“Were you wearing a mask?”

Jeff started to slowly back away in an attempt to disengage from this merry-go-round of an interrogation. I followed him as he walked into the kitchen, opened a cabinet door and rummaged around for a glass. I thought my head was going to explode.

“Why are you touching all of the things? You need to pick one glass and use it. Or maybe get a plastic cup and mark it so that no one else drinks out of it. Don’t start touching everything. Wait – let me get a glass and I will get you something to drink.”

I grabbed a glass, filled it with water, and slyly handed it to Jeff, careful not to let his potentially virus-laden hand touch mine. One hand on his hip, Jeff gave me that, “Really?” look, but I had no time for it.

I quickly turned around and washed my hands. I then grabbed the Lysol wipes and retraced the placement of Jeff’s hands throughout the kitchen area. When I finished, Jeff was gone. I ran into the livingroom and found him seated on the couch. I immediately cringed, imagining the coronavirus germs oozing into the fabric of the couch. How would I sanitize that?

“I think you need to get up. You need to confine yourself to one room. Maybe you should go in the bedroom. There’s a bathroom there. I can put food outside of the door. You can survive for 14 days in there and maybe David and I won’t get it. Or, you could go live in the basement. That’s what Chris Cuomo did when he tested positive for Covid.”

Creating our plan for surviving the coronavirus based on how a TV personality lived at home with it didn’t seem at all laughable or illogical. It was downright genius – especially given Cuomo’s outcome. He survived.

Jeff could move to the basement. There’s a full bathroom, a comfy couch, his computer (for working from home), a refrigerator, and a TV. As I finalize this survival plan in my brain, I decided I should run it by someone who is more in the know – in case I’m missing something. So, I called my sister, Liz.

Liz is a nurse and one of my extended family’s go to persons for all things medical. In addition, she dealt with a similar situation. Liz attended an event and days later found out one of the people in attendance started feeling sick and was tested for Covid.  While my sister waited for her friend’s test results, she stayed home. I remember talking to her on the phone about it and marveling at her calm. What is this magical way of being that you so easily embody?

After I relayed my story to Liz, she suggested that if Jeff was infected, David and I were probably infected, too. There was no real need for Jeff to quarantine from us at this point. As a family, we probably needed to quarantine from the outside world. Great.

As I was digesting Liz’s message and hanging up the phone, I noticed my son’s friend, Donovan, emerge from our basement. He turned as he headed out the front door, “Thanks for having me!”

Thanks for having me? Are you kidding? Your mom is going to kill me. What if we just shared our coronavirus germs with Donovan? I quickly picked up my cell and called his mom, Sherri. I told her how Jeff might have the coronavirus. Someone he was in contact with might have it. If that person has it, then maybe Jeff contracted it. If he contracted it, maybe David and I did, too. If David contracted it, he could have given it to Donovan.

When I finally stopped babbling, there was a short pause on the other end of the phone and then Sherri said, “First, you need to calm down. There is not enough information here – too many questions. So just calm down. Maybe have a glass of wine. Take a deep breath. Everything will be OK.”

A few deep breaths and “calm downs” later, I was off the phone and at my computer Googling:

“What to do when a contact tests positive for coronavirus?”

“Testing strategy for coronavirus.”

“What if a family member tests positive for coronavirus?”

“Covid-19”

“Covid test times.”

“How long until Covid symptoms appear?”

“Missouri coronavirus map.”

“Easy cannoli recipes.”

I tried rebooting my brain with some other obsession or topic, hence the cannoli recipe search. It didn’t really work. If I wasn’t talking about Covid, I was thinking about it.

Somehow, I managed to fall asleep that night. Jeff did not sleep quite as soundly and told me he felt a tightness in his chest. He recognized this symptom as the beginning of a respiratory issue. With little coaxing from me, Jeff got dressed and headed to an urgent care.

In and out in a little more than an hour, Jeff had a chest x-ray and EKG – both normal. He was also swabbed for Covid. The doctor told him he would get the results within 24 hours.

When Jeff got home, we talked about the clear x-rays and normal EKG and the possibility that his chest pains might be stress related. Although Jeff wouldn’t say it, I knew my behavior contributed to Jeff’s stress level. I had to stop.

I thought back to the beginning of the pandemic, when we initially got the stay at home order, and tried to recall the strategies that helped me cope during the more anxious times. I remembered writing about the experience, so I revisited “Writing My Way Through the Nightmare” and “Finding Good in the Middle of a Pandemic.”

While rereading these blog posts and flipping through the accompanying notes, I came across a March Facebook conversation with a college friend, Martha Meli. In this back and forth, I asked Martha how she was coping with the social distancing and the realities of living during a pandemic. I noticed she was posting a lot of COVID-19 parodies and comedy sketches from YouTube and wondered how humor was supporting her well being.

Speaking to staying home, the selfless and insightful native of New Jersey shared, “I’m doing fine. I am blessed, and very lucky that this stay at home order is less than an inconvenience for me. I have a home, I still have a job and one I can do from home. I have plenty of groceries and TP to keep me OUT of the stores (at least for the time being). I look at my stay at home order as my contribution to the front-line essential workers. I am staying home, staying healthy and staying out of the hospital!”

Reflecting on how humor was helping her early on during the quarantine, Martha commented, “I am so grateful to those creative and talented Americans who are still finding the time to keep entertaining virtually. I’ve always loved comedy, so every day I find a COVID-19 parody, or comedy sketch on YouTube that I can circulate to my friends and family so that we can have a VIRTUAL laugh together. Laughter really is the best medicine for me…and wine.”

The fact that Martha said she always loved comedy came as no surprise. Although we hadn’t seen each other in a very long time, I remembered that about her. I missed her playfulness and her wit. During our university years together, we lived in the same dorm. I had a front row seat, watching Martha in motion – making people laugh. Such a gift. Her positive attitude and energy made her one of those people you wanted to be around. And her humor was always welcome – especially during the stressful times. Laughter definitely felt like medicine during finals, the night before a big quiz or when you were pulling an all nighter.

Science supports Martha’s view of laughter as medicine. Research shows that laughter strengthens the immune system, boosts mood, diminishes pain and protects from the damaging effects of stress. An article on HelpGuide, a nonprofit health and wellness website, states, “Nothing works faster or more dependably to bring your mind and body back into balance than a good laugh. Humor lightens your burdens, inspires hope, connects you to others, and keeps you grounded, focused, and alert. It also helps you release anger and forgive sooner.”

Seeking to restore some balance in my household, I prescribed a huge dose of sitcom watching for the whole family. Since I was the only one who really needed this therapy, I wasn’t too disappointed when my guys opted to pursue other forms of entertainment and I sat by myself and watched several episodes of “The Office” and “Wings.” A couple of hours later, I felt 100 percent better. They felt better, too.

We actually laughed at dinner. I don’t think I brought up Covid even once.

The next day, Jeff got his test results. Negative for Covid. His contact, also negative for Covid. My sister’s friend, also negative.

While we heaved a collective sigh of relief, we were quick to count our blessings.

(By the way, some of the same studies that discuss the positive impact laughter has on one’s well-being assert that folks that adopt an attitude of gratitude reap rewards when it comes to good health, too.)

About four weeks into the pandemic, I read a tweet from a motivational speaker that said something to the effect of – if you don’t come out of this pandemic having hit all of your goals, you’re not doing it right. I applaud all of those people who are living with this brand of ambition and intention. At this point, I’m just trying to survive.

While this blog talks about laughter as medicine during the pandemic, please don’t misinterpret what I’m trying to say. The coronavirus is no joke. These are serious times. And we are doing what we have to do to make it through. We’ve set aside fitness goals because we’re watching “Fresh Prince” reruns (in order to ease our anxieties about Covid-19). We’re not writing the next great novel because we are doing all of the recommended things to help our friends and neighbors. It’s all OK.

Our lives are different now. We are working from home. We’re furloughed. We’re unemployed. We’re supporting our kids through distance learning. We’re making targeted runs to the grocery store. Some of us have everything delivered and seldom venture out. We’re social distancing. We’re wearing masks. We’re mourning those who’ve died. We’re scared for those Covid-19 long haulers who don’t know what health issues they might encounter in the future.

At times, we don’t recognize ourselves. We grieve what once was.

I remember back in March when I didn’t know anyone who had the coronavirus. I can’t say that anymore. One of my sisters-in-law had it for weeks. She spent time in the hospital as the disease wreaked havoc with her heart rate. A niece also had it. Despite being young and healthy, she was still struggling with a cough and pain in her side after weeks of the illness. Friends have had it. A colleague’s brother had it and died. A student’s grandparent had it and died.

It’s August and Covid is everywhere. Yet it’s invisibility makes it feel like it’s nowhere at the same time.

There is so much uncertainty. We wonder when we will get to the other side.

We keep powering forward. We try to remain hopeful. It’s not easy.

So let’s give each other the grace to feel the way we feel and be the way we need to be. It’s OK to feel angry, worried, discouraged and helpless – just not all of the time. We’ve got to pick ourselves up, pick each other up, and keep living our lives.

I recommend a hearty dose of “Seinfeld” when the going gets really rough. Although there’s nothing funny about what we’re going through right now, science and medicine suggest laughter might help. It worked for me. I pray it works for you, too.

A little more than a week ago, I wrote about a nightmare I had about the coronavirus. I shared the worry and responsibility of trying to keep family members and friends safe. I talked about how I was doing all of the things – hand washing, social distancing, staying home – but continued to stress about all of the uncertainties. This is a confusing, sometimes lonely, and terrifying time.

I concluded that piece by sharing a strategy that helped me feel more settled, comforted and in control.

Believe it or not, if I assess how I am feeling in this moment, right now, I would describe myself as fairly calm. Pretty unbelievable, right?

Ten days ago, the preceding self-assessment probably made sense to you. She’s feeling OK because she owned her fears and then wrote about them. But how can she feel anything but scared today? After all, the nightmare from late March has grown into a bigger nightmare in early April. How is it possible to appear so serene when today’s reality is exponentially worse?

The number of positive tests and deaths continues to rise and the news cycle is all Covid-19, all of the time. The CDC recently recommended that we wear masks when we’re in public. A few states have eliminated the possibility of returning to school this year. And most governors have extended their stay-at-home orders. Medical professionals are documenting the horrific conditions they face battling Covid-19 and are begging the public to stay home. I could go on and on.

A look at the headlines on April 5, is enough to make anyone shudder.

“U.S. Death Toll Almost Certainly Higher than Official Count” – The Washington Post

“U.S. Coronavirus Fight Enters Crucial Weeks as the Number of Cases Tops 320,000” – CNN

“Coronavirus Kills Some People and Hardly Affects Others: How is that Possible?” – Los Angeles Times

“Food Goes to Waste Amid Coronavirus Crisis” – Politico

“The Nurse was Holding Up. Then Her Three Close Relatives Came In.” – The New York Times

I think it’s important to stay on top of the latest news and the most recent directives from local and federal government and medical experts. At the same time, I don’t think it’s a great choice, where peace of mind is concerned, to fixate on any of the preceding.

So, in addition to writing as therapy, I decided to focus my attention on any kind of media that exudes positivity. I want the stuff that chronicles happier goings-on – the videos, still photos, music, the written word. I need to hear the tales that uplift, pump up and cheer on. I want to find the narratives that we can feel good about and that won’t give us nightmares. I don’t want a fairytale. And I don’t want the silly memes that make us laugh for a moment, and then feel guilty because what we’re laughing about somehow tears someone else down. I want good news. Tell me something good!

The quest for positivity didn’t require a lot of time. After a few conversations with family and friends and a quick scroll through social media, while skipping the rants about politics, education and people who aren’t social distancing, I discovered four solid examples of encouraging narratives. Tell me what you think.

My initial inquiry (which in full disclosure wasn’t an inquiry at all – I received a text message from one of my niece’s with a link to the program I’m about to tout) brought me to a YouTube channel dedicated entirely to ray of sunshine themes. “Some Good News,” the creation of John Krasinski (“The Office,” “Jack Ryan, “A Quiet Place”), is dedicated to heartwarming, inspiring, and uplifting stories from around the world. The almost 16-minute first episode garnered roughly 12.5 million views. Check it out here if you need a pick me up. Fans of “The Office” will be excited to see a nod to the 15th anniversary of the NBC sitcom featuring an interview with Steve Carell. Episode 2, just might  outperform Episode 1 as far as giving you all the feels. I won’t spoil it for you. Just trust me, click here.

Facebook devotees can find a reserve of cheerful postings on the page of the public group, Heart Hunters. Created in response to the pandemic and the call for social distancing, Heart Hunters was launched by a mom in Galesburg, Illinois, who wanted to highlight those spreading “a little love and compassion” during a very challenging time. She heard about people posting hearts in windows for kids to see while they were out walking and with that, Heart Hunters was born.

The group encourages people to post hearts on their windows, doors and sidewalks and to keep an eye out for hearts. Whether you’re creating hearts or looking for them, the group urges participants to snap pictures and forward to the group. “Make sure you share your pictures. Some can’t get out so these little hearts are very comforting.”

The proof of whether or not these hearts provide comfort can be found in the posts. One member wrote, “My daughter is an ER nurse in downtown Chicago. Hospital staff got a round of applause when leaving last night 😍 and the city is showing the love for their healthcare and essential workers with all the window hearts.” She included five pictures of Chicago highrises, lit up with hearts. Her post was shared 3,600 times.

A gentleman from Germany shared a picture of a colorfully chalked heart on his driveway. “Greetings from Germany! Please stay healthy!” he posted. His contribution was shared 15,000 times.

Heart Hunters was established on March 21 and has already grown to 748,000 members. All of the activity on this group’s page, demonstrated by the number of shares, likes, comments and new members, speaks volumes. Bottom line, these messages from the heart resonate with a lot of folks.

If you prefer more mainstream media to get your joy on, you can always turn to “On the Road with Steve Hartman.” Modeled after the long-running, legendary series of the same name, originally reported by one of America’s greatest TV storytellers, the late newsman Charles Kuralt, “On the Road,” is guaranteed to renew your faith in the kindness of others and the good in this world.

Steve’s latest installment, “Finding Love in the Age of Social Distancing,” tells a story of hope, romance, ingenuity and perseverance. Please click on the link. The two minutes you’ll spend watching Steve spin this yarn will leave you smiling for hours.

The fourth place that I found to be a tremendous resource for optimism is not actually a

place, it’s a person. Her name is Amy Pryor Senter. Amy is the owner of Jake’s On Main Street, located in the heart of the historic district in St. Charles, MO.

Jake’s is a Life is good® Genuine Neighborhood Shoppe. Boasting good vibes, a friendly atmosphere and awesome customer service, Jake’s is a popular stopping place for those who are looking for optimistic apparel and accessories. The store has a variety of comfy and upbeat items for men, women, home and canine.

If you’re not familiar with the Life is good® brand, you can check it out here.

Besides selling positive-themed merchandise, Jake’s helps kids in need as a supporter of the Life is good Kids Foundation. The Life is good Kids Foundation is a nonprofit organization established by Life is good to raise money to help kids in need. The Life is good Kids Foundation directly funds the Life is good Playmakers Program, which provides training and support to childcare professionals, who use their learning to ensure that children grow up feeling safe, loved and joyful.

Life is good donates 10 percent of its net profits to help kids in need. The “10% for Kids” program began on Jan. 1, 2013. Since this program’s inception, Life is good has helped raise more than $9.5 million for kids in need through its annual Life is good Festival, Life is good products and community fundraising events.

So much encouragement in all of that, right? And I haven’t even scratched the surface with all that’s good with Amy!

Part of Jake’s team since its founding in 2007, Amy eventually bought the business in 2016. While Amy’s resume is long and varied, and includes a stint in education, her passion for Jake’s optimistic focus served as the tipping point for her decision to buy the business.

Excited to share this positive perspective, Amy works tirelessly to ensure that visitors at Jake’s can feel the uplifting energy as soon as they step through the doors. Surrounded by products featuring cute images and verbiage, customers are greeted by a team of employees whose focus is simply to brighten their day.

In spite of her propensity to focus on the bright side, Amy admitted her outlook waivered  momentarily when the coronavius began to spread in the U.S., prompting her heart-wrenching decision to close the doors to Jake’s.

“I had my little breakdown,” the good-natured wife and mom shared, as her usual litany of cheerful thoughts were undercut by a gloomy sense of uncertainty. What would happen to her two children? What would happen to the rest of her family? What is happening to the world? Will we be OK?

After giving herself a few moments of grace to experience the confusion, apprehension and uneasiness, that come with facing a pandemic, Amy quickly launched into motion. Her first act was creating the Jake’s On Main Positivity Facebook page.

The mission of this Facebook page is simple: to keep positivity at the forefront during the current health and economic crisis while also giving Amy a place to promote her business. Scroll through the feed and on any given day you can count on a “Seeing the Beauty” post, an inspirational thought of the day and some kind of update about store merchandise including Jake’s Closet (explained later).

Jake’s On Main Positivity page offers Amy a hopeful outlet and a way of centering herself. “When I focus on the positive, I become positive,” she said, adding, “A lot of people need that positivity right now.” The Facebook page also provides Amy with a means of keeping her business’s name in the forefront. “It’s a family business and I need to do whatever I can to keep it going,” Amy said.

Amy contracts with Life is good to carry the company’s products, but Jake’s On Main is an independent store. Consequently, the expenses that come with operating the business are completely Amy’s. “I’ve had to buy everything in my store. So this right now is hitting me really hard,” Amy shared.

While Jake’s may be closed to walk-in traffic, the store is still “open.” Amy works hard to market her goods on the Positivity page. There are lots of pictures of the popular products and a there is a video tour of the store. Those interested in purchasing merchandise from Jake’s can connect with Amy by posting in the comments on the Positivity page or reaching out to her via Facebook Messenger. Those who don’t have Facebook can reach Amy by email at jakeslockerllc@gmail.com.

Grateful for the work involved in maintaining the Positivity Page, Amy commented, “It has given me purpose every day and it allows me to focus on things that are good.” She quickly added, “Hopefully it’s bringing a little bit of joy to those who need it.”

Engineering a vehicle for her followers to spread a little merriment of their own, a few days after creating the Facebook page, Amy rolled out Jake’s Closet. Jake’s Closet is Amy’s pledge to help people in need in a safe way during this time of social distancing. Through this initiative, individuals can purchase Amy’s unused inventory at cost and it’s placed in Jake’s Closet. Amy eventually will deliver items in Jake’s Closet to local area nonprofits. Amy frequently shares pictures of Jake’s Closet and applauds the “superheroes” who contribute to this effort.

“There are many organizations that can only take new clothing or prefer to only take new clothing, especially socks. Here’s a way we can help,” Amy explained. Three of Amy’s favorite organizations to donate to are St. Louis Crisis Nursery, Youth in Need and Sts. Joachim and Ann Care Service. These organizations may be gifted with some of the items in Jake’s Closet, but Amy said she is open to adding other organizations based on customers’ suggestions.

Jake’s Closet has already collected over 100 pairs of socks (that was the count almost two weeks ago). Generous customers have purchased a variety of other items to be boxed and gifted soon.

Always trying to find ways to do more, Amy recently asked Positivity page members to nominate healthcare workers on the front line of the crisis to receive Jake’s On Main Street swag as a thank you. Amy randomly selected five local heroes from all those nominated and put together a special gift box/care package she deemed the Hero Pack to celebrate their service.

Amy made it possible for individuals to continue to honor their heroes. The Hero Pack is available for purchase at the Main Street business. Interested parties can reach out to Amy to purchase a pack and then choose to collect it through curbside pick-up on weekdays, free porch drop off or customers can pay to have the Hero Pack shipped.

With over 1,100 members in this private group page, Amy is energized by the interactions and activity. “I enjoy seeing the posts from people who appreciate what I’m doing. I posted a video from the Life is good Kids Foundation and someone posted back, ‘This is inspiring and helped me get through the day,'” Amy said. The community’s support has been humbling, she added.

Seeing the positive in the world takes effort, Amy asserted. “It’s not that you shouldn’t be aware of what’s going on and be careful, but when you focus on the negative, you become a negative person.” And that’s one of the many reasons Amy does everything she can to see the good.

It’s not always easy, she admitted. “Keeping positivity at the forefront during a crisis can be tough, but I’m trying,” she concluded.

Me too, Amy. Me too.

(Thank you Amy Pryor Senter for permission to use pictures the pictures in this post.)

I had a dream.

It felt so real.

It was the middle of the night. I thought I heard a noise. I remained motionless, waiting for corroboration. And then there it was again. It sounded like a voice or possibly more than one voice. I slowly rolled out of bed and crept toward the front door. The voices got a little louder, but were still indistinct. As I rounded the corner to the foyer, I could see that the front door was slightly ajar. How could I have left it open? Panic set in.

As I moved quickly toward the door, I grabbed its edge and opened it a little more. I’m not sure why. I was acting on impulse. In my head I’m thinking, “You’re so dumb! What if they see you?” It was in that moment that I could confirm it was indeed a “they.” There were two figures mumbling to themselves, inching toward the stoop.

“Go away!” I implored as I slammed and locked the door. Still shaking, I heard one say, “Let’s go around to the back.”

My heart lept as I wondered aloud, “Did I leave the slider to the deck open too?”

By this time my chocolate lab, Moose, was at my side. He rushed to the back door with me, (although his steps appeared to be fueled by excitement while mine were powered by stress and worry).

Why wasn’t Moose barking? He always barked in times like these. What in the world did I mean by “times like these?” We had never known a time like this – with the exception of the occasion when two figures stole my Halloween candy. I felt their intention as I walked past them, their parka hoods pulled up to obscure their faces. It was a warm autumn night. Why the parkas? I clutched my grocery bag filled with sweets, but it was too late. The figures ran by me, ripping the loot from my 10-year-old hands.

There was little relief when I discovered the slider was closed. I unlocked it and stepped out on the deck to see if the figures were indeed making their way into the backyard. They were feet from me – already on the steps to the deck. How did they get there so quickly?

I pointed in the direction of the shadowy figures and ordered Moose to take care of them. Moose looked at me obligingly before running down the stairs, passing the figures and disappearing into the yard.

I stood at the top of the stairs, kicking at one of the shadowy figures. As it fell in slow motion, down and off of the stairs, I felt a tinge of regret. I hoped I hadn’t hurt anyone. I returned to my senses when I saw the second figure nearing the midway point of his climb.

I grabbed my phone and warned, “I’m calling the police! They will be here any minute!”

I dialed 9-1-1. As I listened to the ringing, I organized my thoughts into bullet points.

• Intruders.
• Address.
• Hurry.

No one answered.

Terrified as to what would follow, it was in that very moment that I woke up. My heart was beating out of my chest. I looked over at my husband, Jeff. He appeared to be sleeping soundly. Moose, too, wasn’t moving. Moose hears everything. EVERYTHING. If he wasn’t moving?

I was still scared. My irrational brain took over and I wondered if the dream was some sort of sign. I lept out of bed and ran to the front door. It was closed. It was locked. The back slider was locked, too. I stood outside of my son David’s room and slowly opened the door. He was asleep. I waited for what felt like an eternity to see his bed move. He was breathing. Everyone was safe. As I gave myself permission to breath, I went back to bed.

I don’t know if I ever really went back to sleep, though. Instead, I replayed the story in my mind while trying to will my unconscious self to dream about something a little less heavy. How about one of those flying dreams? How about one where I’m an Olympian? I love the one in which I back flip everywhere. Back flip to the front of a room. Back flip to Costco. Back flip to the mailbox. As I roll over yet again, I take out my frustration on my very flat pillow, pounding it, flipping it, folding it. Desperate for sleep, I decided I’d settle for the dream when I forget the combination to my high school locker. Or the one when gum gets stuck to my teeth and it takes me the entire dream to peel it off. Although the last two options prompt a bit of anxiety, they are way less stressful than what I had just endured.

Intruders. Determined to get in my house. Suspected of wanting to harm my family.

It didn’t take me more than a cup of coffee to decipher what this nightmare was all about. For the last however many days I have been inhaling all things novel coronavirus. I’ve watched White House briefings, read a variety of daily newspapers and scrolled through headlines, memes and video clips on social media. And I am afraid. What if Jeff gets it? What if David gets it? What if I get it? What if my parents get it? What if someone else in my extended family or friend group gets it? What if someone has to be hospitalized? What if?

I’m doing all of the things – social distancing, only going out when necessary, washing my hands, hunkering down. But none of that allays my fears. What if I washed my hands after a Costco run, but missed a tiny microbe of the virus? What if that large Diet Coke I had to have in the drive-thru was covered with the virus? What if the mail I put on the kitchen counter had germs on it?

Did I just open my front door for the intruder?

I don’t know. I can’t see the intruder. I don’t know where the intruder is. It’s nowhere and everywhere at the same time. It’s so confusing.

I see the rising numbers. I look at the maps. And it feels like the intruder could be getting closer. Maybe. Maybe not. I can’t be sure. Just to be safe, I shore up the walls of this fortress. I constantly remind Jeff and David to wash their hands. I say “no” to the request for a Smoothie King run. I postpone the lunch with friends. I wipe off the bananas I just purchased with a Lysol wipe.

Because I really have no idea, I assume that everyone and everything is somehow linked to the intruder. Contaminated. And they (everyone and everything) don’t even know it.

No one can help me when I’m choosing to live in this fortress of fear, because they don’t know about it. I’m silent. What is more, in my effort to block the scary intruder from entering my world, the walls I’ve put in place also keep out those who might be able to assist. So when I think I’m dailing 9-1-1, in reality, I’ve already yanked the telephone cord out of the wall. The phone doesn’t work.

Owning all of this fear and sharing it with the world was a very scary prospect a few days ago. Even though I didn’t think my fear was all that unusual and I didn’t think it was misplaced, I wasn’t brave enough to raise my hand and say, this coronavirus stuff is terrifying! When it became too exhausting to carry around anymore – I had to put it down. It was then that I cracked open a window in the fortress and mentioned my fear to a couple of family members.

The result of those conversations – relief, hope, love, laughter and reassurance. And so much more.

In a follow-up text message a few days later, one of my siblings threw me another lifeline of sorts being offered in the form of a Facebook video by author Augusten Burroughs. In his nearly 18-minute reflection posted Tuesday, March 24, called “Writing Will Comfort You,” Burroughs riffed on the terrifying times we are living in. All of this uncertainty can be scary, he confirmed. It can cause one to panic, to worry to feel very alone. So what is there to do? “Write,” Burroughs answered, simply.

Start where you are and write about what you are feeling right now, he encouraged. What are you going through? Write about it. How do you feel? Write about it. Don’t stop to look critically at your work, or to debate your punctuation, your verb tense – just keep writing. Put it all down. Write it all.

Writing “keeps you tethered to the moment.” Burroughs explained, when you are focused on what is right in front of you, you’re not focused on all of the awful things that could be happening – and if you are focused on all of the awful things that could be happening – you are doing it through your writing. There’s no safer space. You are in control.

You will find comfort through writing. You will feel safe. You will feel less alone because others will be writing, too. Others will be writing right long with you.

Connecting with Burroughs’ words, I pulled out my laptop and started to write. I wrote about my experience – the nightmare. I wrote about my feelings – the fear, the anxiety and the uncertainty. I wrote it all. I said everything I needed to say.

It felt good to unload all of that onto the screen. I felt a small level of joy, imagining others unloading too – unpacking their bags filled with worry, terror and the unknown.

(I’m not sure how readers will view what we’ve written. But I’m not worried about that right now. We can’t worry about that right now.)

Writing about what stresses us, Burroughs said, is the best way he knows how to tone down feelings of panic, loneliness and terror and to make the unknown less important. As I near the conclusion of this blog, I think Burroughs is right. In this moment, I feel settled. Comforted. In control.

At the same time, I know the nightmare isn’t over. And who knows how I will feel tomorrow – how we will feel tomorrow. Right now – I’m focused on right now. That’s all I have. That’s all we have.

In my right now, I am giving thanks for the health and well being of my immediate and extended families. Everyone is safe.

I pray the same is true for you.

So I’ll keep doing what I’m doing. You keep doing what you’re doing. And in a way, we’ll get through this together.

If you need me, reach out. You can write me – snail mail, email or text message. Or, you can call. My iPhone is charged and ready. I promise to answer.

Hello WordPress! I’m baaaack! It’s been almost a year since my visit. I’ve missed you. And I’m very sorry. I’m sorry that in the busyness that is life I wasn’t able to give you the time and attention you so deserve.

Last summer you were a priority. I put you on my calendar. I vowed to write on a regular basis.

It was doable then. School was out. I had the extra time and energy necessary to devote to you.

By the end of July, however, the window for writing started to close. The day-to-day filled up. There were the last-minute vacations, the trips to the mall and Target to get my son ready for his freshman year, and then my professional development days followed by the start of school.

Weirdly, or perhaps not so weirdly, my last blog post was all about this kind of thing. It was about work-life balance and juggling multiple priorities. I had to drop one of the balls I had in the air (see The Importance of Balance and We Juggle Our Way Through Life) and you, my dear blog, were the winner, or loser, depending on one’s point of view.

When school ended (right before Memorial Day), I found myself with some extra time and decided to pick up the blogging ball again. Yes, that was THREE WEEKS AGO. Problem is, until now, I’ve been struggling to find something to write about. My brain couldn’t conjure up even a mediocre idea. I had nothing. Nada. Zippo.

I looked to the usual suspects for inspiration: social media, supermarket tabloids (#fakenews), journals, photo albums and the family group text. Still nothing. As I labored to find an engaging topic, it suddenly hit me – why not ask one of the most entertaining people I know for a suggestion? Brilliant, right? Right. So as soon as David, my 15-year-old son, rolled out of bed last Thursday, I skipped “good morning” and went straight to, “I need an idea for my blog. What should I write about?”

His response was immediate and simple. “Pancakes.”

Pancakes? Of course! Why didn’t I think of that? Pancakes! They have broad appeal. They aren’t that controversial or offensive, unless of course you are on a carb-free diet or you are a diehard waffle fan. And, they’ve been in the news. So they are relevant. Win. Win. Win.

Now before you exit out of this blog and return to hitting the like button on your friends’ Facebook posts, hear me out. Give pancakes a chance. Pretty please?!

About a week and a half ago IHOP, the International House of Pancakes (See how I did that?), announced it would change its name to IHOb, flipping the “P” to a “b.” Initially, people appeared to have fun guessing what the “b” meant. Could it be bacon? Bitcoin possibly? Bears? Beets? Battlestar Galactica? (Hey lovers of “The Office” – you’re welcome!)

As the reality of this big change started to sink in, and we all know that for many of us change is really hard, people’s predictions and general feelings on the matter got a little saltier. Is the “b” for betrayal? Bad idea? (I’ll leave the negative speculations right there otherwise this blog will need a parental warning.)

As d-day, or I guess we should say “b” day approached, it appeared the consensus on social media was that IHOP was about to reveal that the “b” in IHOb was for “breakfast.” Sounds fairly reasonable, right? Wrong. When the big reveal came last Monday, we learned that the “b” stood for burgers. “Burgers so burgers’ good, we changed our name to IHOb. For burgers.”

Rest assured, you can still get pancakes at IHOb. In fact, the name change is a temporary thing – a marketing campaign, aimed at getting people to think of the restaurant as a lunch and dinner hotspot, not just a destination for breakfast. “We take our new burgers just as seriously as we take our pancakes. And you can get both of them at #IHOb,” @IHOb explained.

Nevertheless, IHOP fans were not amused. “I had a burger at IHOP once. There’s a reason it shouldn’t be IHOb,” read one tweet. And yet another social media user commented, “Well, IHOB seems like a really smart idea, since there are so few places to get burgers.”

Off and on last Monday, I checked my Twitter timeline, reading all of the witty digs at the IHOP, sorry IHOb, marketing team. Take Aaron Marquis, for example, who tweeted, “Had to be confusing for all the drunks who went to sleep in an #IHOP and woke up in an #IHOb.” Several others chimed in, “Only 90s kids will remember #IHOP.” Many pancake aficionados said they didn’t care what the restaurant called itself as long as it maintained its free pancake day.

Brands got into the action, too, with Burger King announcing it would change its name to Pancake King. And, Whataburger assuring everyone that even though it loves a good pancake, it wasn’t about to rebrand as Whatapancake. One Twitter user (@soloucity) called out Wendy’s for a response, “So @Wendys u just gonna let @IHOb sell burgers on your block? thought you were the og?”

Wendy’s won the day with its response, “Not really afraid of the burgers from a place that decided pancakes were too hard.” Ouch.

I have to admit, I was among the countless detractors, shaking my head at what appeared to be a colossal rebranding blunder. You’re known for pancakes. You’re the pancake expert. The pancake guru. No, you’re not simply the pancake guru, you’re the WORLD/INTERNATIONAL pancake guru. And yet, you change your name and apparent focus to burgers? What? Even as a temporary campaign, it seemed ill conceived.

But what do I know. I am sure IHOP marketers and execs considered all of the angles before landing on IHOb. Right? I’m trying to visualize the boardroom conversation that resulted in IHOb.

“I think customers are tired of the name IHOP. It’s time to shake things up. How about we flip the ‘H’ to … wait – that’s still an ‘H.’ Never mind.”

“I think you’re onto something. I know we’ve been telling people that pancakes aren’t just for breakfast anymore, but is anyone really buying that load of malarkey?”

“Actually they are – recently our sales have seen a slight uptick…”

“Sales, schmales! Ever since I’ve been on this low-carb diet, I haven’t looked twice at a pancake. Meat is where it’s at. How about we change our name to IHOb? ‘B’ is for burgers. Everyone will love it! Who doesn’t love a good burger?”

“Brilliant idea. As long as we can keep the red smiley on the logo. I’m out if we aren’t keeping the red smiley thing.”

“OK – we’ll keep the smiley thing. You think people will remember that we’ve always had burgers on our menu?”

“Does it matter? We’re IHOb now.”

As I continued to consider IHOP or IHOb’s fate, I started to think more generally about the power of a name. And it occurred to me that brands aren’t the only ones who have made missteps when it comes to naming and/or name changes. Individuals have made similar gaffes. How did they fare?

Google led me to a ton of articles on this very topic. Most of the stories I clicked on centered around celebrities and sports personalities who changed their names. The impact of their decisions varied widely. Some enjoyed a lot of success with their new designation and others failed.

Remember Chad Johnson? The NFL player? In 2008, Johnson changed his last name to Ocho Cinco. It was supposed to be a Spanish reference to his jersey number – 85. I vividly remember when this happened because the number for 85 in Spanish is ochenta y cinco NOT ocho cinco. I remember feeling perplexed by Ocho Cinco. If Johnson was going to the trouble of changing his name, why wouldn’t he choose the accurate translation?

Ocho Cinco’s coach at the time, Marvin Lewis, was equally as dumbfounded. He was never a supporter of Ocho Cinco’s attention-getting stunts and after the season referred to the receiver as “Ocho Psycho.”

Anywho – that’s neither here nor there – did his name change have an impact on his performance? I’m not sure. What I can tell you is this, according to a 2012 ESPN article, Johnson was a six-time Pro Bowler for the Cincinnati Bengals and averaged nearly 80 receptions for seven seasons. Ocho Cinco averaged 51.75 receptions in four seasons, including a career-low 15 for the New England Patriots in 2011. So you do the math.

According to a story in Forbes, Ocho Cinco eventually paid $401 to change his name back to Johnson. He said he made the reversal for his wife.

Johnson-to-Ocho Cinco is among “10 of the Most Ridiculous Name Changes” as outlined by Time magazine in an article in 2011. Also making this list was Prince. In 1993, Prince changed his name to unpronounceable symbol that was a combination of the symbols for man and woman. Verbally and in the press Prince became “the Artist Formerly Known as Prince,” despite his insistence that the correct phrasing for his new moniker was Love Symbol No. 2. After a number of years using that symbol, the Artist changed his name back to Prince in 2000.

What was the impact of this name change? Well – from what I read – it appeared that Prince changed his name to the symbol to get back at his record label who he was having a beef with at the time. Long story short, when he got out of that contract he changed his name back to Prince. So maybe the name change helped him achieve his goal? Success?

The bottom line is names matter. Duh! Seriously though, according to an article in The New Yorker, research suggests that “names can influence choice of professional, where were live, whom we marry, the grades we earn, the stocks we invest in, whether we’re accepted to a school or are hired for a particular job, and the quality of our work in a group setting.” In the article, writer Maria Konnikova goes on to assert that our names can even determine whether we donate to disaster victims. According to one study, those who share an initial with the name of a hurricane are far more likely to donate to relief funds after it hits.

Yikes. All of the preceding puts a lot of pressure on parents to be, doesn’t it? I imagine an entrepreneur is equally as stressed when it comes to naming a business.

In the Forbes piece, “12 Tips for Naming Your Startup Business,” contributor Richard Harroch urges careful consideration before settling on a name. He warns, the wrong name can “result in insurmountable business and legal hurdles.” Harroch’s tips appear fairly common sense; do your research, keep it simple, ask for feedback and make sure you’re personally happy with the name. “You as the business owner will have to live with the name for a long time,” Harroch reasons, “So make sure you are happy with it and believe it will resonate with your customers.”

It appears that IHOb is content with its decision. They’ve gotten a lot of traction on social media and at the office water cooler this last week. #IHOP and #IHOb were trending topics. Only time will tell if the chatter continues and if that translates to an increase in sales.

Hopefully IHOb isn’t relying on teens to keep the buzz going.  I just mentioned to David that I took his advice and was blogging about pancakes and more specifically about the whole IHOP/IHOb thing. I asked him what he thought. Not missing a beat, “I can’t be reached for further comment.” In other words, he’s over it.